Motherhood: Oh, The Irony!

Every now and then I reflect on my life and realize things never quite go as expected in this crazy journey of parenthood. It’s more than a little ironic…being a mommy is seriously one mindf**k after another. Don’t believe me? Keep reading.

I count the minutes, even seconds, until bedtime but once I’ve tucked them in, I kind of miss them. What the f**k is up with that?

I pray for my children to sleep past 7:30am every single day. And on the rare occasion that it happens, I lay in bed worrying why they aren’t stirring, ruining my opportunity to snooze a little longer. But why aren’t they up? The sun has been up for like 20 minutes. Are they breathing? Are they getting sick? Have they been kidnapped by intruders? Will sleeping in ruin their afternoon naps? Maybe I should go wake them.

My child won’t eat homemade pancakes, but he’ll sample dog food and munch on his own boogers.

irony of motherhood

All I want is 5 minutes of silence. When silence finally happens, dread fills my stomach and I yell like a maniac for my child to answer me. Moment of silence over.

Despite complaining about Caillou and Mickey Mouse, I go about my day humming “Hot Dog, Hot Dog, Hot Diggity Dog” and “I’m just a boy who’s four; each day I learn some more.”

I work out harder than ever lifting dead-weight toddlers and heavy ass car seats and my toddler eats everything on my plate (nothing on his), but somehow my ass and stomach look flabbier and flabbier.

I struggle to get my toddler dressed for hours to make them look presentable and clean when we venture out of the home. Meanwhile, I’ve been wearing the same yoga pants for the past 6 months in public.

irony of motherhood

Since bringing a child into this world, I have a much greater respect and appreciation for human life. Too bad I’m so tired…makes me avoid being around human life.

I didn’t sleep last night (again) and I feel downright dazed and a bit like death today. My baby was up all night crying (again) and she’s downright perky this morning. What gives tiny person with superhuman lungs?

I love being with my kids but I fantasize about being alone all the time.

My love life has taken a nosedive but I’ve never seen so much penis in my life thanks to my toddler son.

Minutes last an eternity in the Target checkout line with my kids yelling. It feels like time literally stops. Later at home I check out Timehop and see a pic of my baby from two years ago and start to weep because my baby is no longer a baby. WTF. Time moves way too fast. The minutes go by in the blink of an eye.

Confused yet? So am I.

Why is it that now that I have to buy more groceries and stuff than ever before, my cart has hardly any room because of my growing children?

The day I birthed my firstborn I developed bionic hearing. With a white noise machine on the highest volume and earplugs securely in, I’m still awakened by the sound of a feather hitting the floor down the hall. I am a mother and I hear everything. But funny how no one hears me now. I bellow at the top of my lungs and the only response I get is “Huh?” or “Did you say something, Mommy?”

My kids mostly exist in only a diaper or underwear. But somehow there’s infinite loads of laundry to be done. #defyinglogic

Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?

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33 Responses to Motherhood: Oh, The Irony!

    • Very true and it doesn’t change as they get older either. I spent all day waiting for my kids to get home from school and now that they are here….I’m ready for them to go back! Ha.

  1. This really made me laugh! You are so right, it is a crazy roller coaster. I loved the bit about the infinite amounts of laundry and the perfect hearing, yet no one hears your voice. It’s like you’ve been to my house!

  2. I was with you until you wanted to wake them up. It has to be at least 7 years of bad luck to wake a sleeping baby up :-) I quickly forgave you because of your good taste in music…love Alanis! As for the laundry, it’s a mystery to me how people so little can amass so much dirty clothes. Great post. Thoroughly enjoyed reading it!

    • Thanks! And don’t worry…I’ve only thought about waking my baby, but I’ve never acted on my paranoia, haha! In the end, my rational side wins and I leave my baby sleep. :)

  3. Lol. I loved the boogers and pancakes comment. I totally get it. My kids can pretty much pick whatever they want for birthday dinner, and they want hot dogs and cold cereal. What gives?

    • Drives me crazy! I’m a foodie, so this might be the most frustrating thing for me as a parent. My son won’t stop trying to eat glue but I can’t get him to eat a muffin. I’ll never understand it.

  4. I understand completely! Even as my kiddo grows older there are different sorts of issues that happen, but oh the joys of motherhood.

  5. It sounds like we’ve got a lot in common right now… what with two kids and the irony of all the challenges… So glad to read another mom is just going through the same issues I am!!

  6. I hate going through all the kids’ closets sorting out hand-me downs and donations, but it makes a bit sad and yearn for another baby at the same time. Craziness!

  7. I hear you on that praying to sleep past 7:30 bit. I do the same thing, and never have I gotten that extra bit of sleep I’ve yearned for. Thanks so much for sharing. I’m so glad I’m not the only one that view motherhood’s irony!

  8. Why do we do this? Let me know when you’ve worked out the answer, because I have no idea. Exactly what I feel like. Stopping by from Manic Mondays.

  9. You have beautifully expressed what many people feel about motherhood. I think we have all been there, praying for your kids to sleep and then worrying that they are not breathing!

  10. I hear you loud and clear!! It is the toughest job we will ever have. But we get up each day and do it again. Because we want to! Because we love those little dirty creatures who make us crazy!
    Great post!

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