I have so much. So much love, adventure, and little hands to hold.
This life of mine gives me much more than enough. And I am not enough for it.
Lifting heavy tots in the throes of a tantrum, I am not strong enough. Yelling at the kids to be quiet while I try to make a phone call, I am not fun enough. Shaking my head “no” when asked for a piggyback ride, I am not energetic enough. Snapping an answer after being asked the same question multiple times, I am not patient enough. Trying to text on my phone while barely listening to my kids, I am not there enough. Grabbing fast food for dinner, I am not motivated enough. Forgetting to bring the diaper bag and then dealing with a blow-out, I am not prepared enough. Stressed from a multitude of tasks on my mind, I am not happy enough.
I could go on and on. I am not brave enough. Not attentive enough. Not strict enough. Not understanding enough.
More than anything, I am so afraid that I’m not enjoying it enough. That I’ll ruin it with my fears, smother it by holding it too tightly. That I’ll run out of time to get it right…it goes by so fast. There are not enough hours in the days for me to absorb it, to seal the tiny passing joyful moments in my memory. I am not enough for this weight of motherhood.
So today, on Mother’s Day, I am thankful. Grateful beyond measure. Because I don’t have to do this motherhood thing alone, and together we are enough. My mom, my sisters, my mother-in-law, my aunts, my husband, our sitter, dear friends, and teachers who all care for my children. The community of mothers and friends that have given advice, laughs, and support. The friends who aren’t parents who save my sanity by not talking about diaper rash or bedtime routines. The stranger who offers words of encouragement. Thank you for being more than enough. Because of all of you, my children don’t just think I’m enough – they think I’m everything.