13 Reasons Why I’m Jealous of My Toddler

Yes, I admit there are moments when I’m envious of my 14-month-old.

Let’s be honest here, people. Doesn’t everyone wish they could have the carefree life of a little kid from time to time?

Sure, there are some parts of being a toddler that are less than appealing. Namely, you can’t wipe your own ass. Wearing a diaper constantly can’t be pleasant. And those car seat straps look really uncomfortable.

But, overall, Owen has it easy! A true life of leisure. I don’t understand why he whines so damn much.

So, in honor of Friday the 13th, here are 13 reasons why I’m jealous of my tot.

1. Nothing he says needs to make any kind of sense.

2. Vacuuming is a joy for him, not a chore.

3. Someone picks out his outfit for him each morning. And packs his lunch.

4. It’s okay for him to spit out food he doesn’t like.

5. It’s entirely acceptable (even desired) for him to fall asleep anywhere, anytime.

6. Shoes are almost never required; clothes is also optional.

7. When he’s tired, someone is always there to carry him.

8. Despite having pale skin and chubby thighs, he still looks good in a swimsuit.

9. He can burp, fart, point, and yell without being considered offensive. Some might actually think it’s cute.

10. It’s okay for him to just look at the pictures and not actually read anything.

11. He doesn’t ever have to pretend he likes someone or something.

12. He has a 24/7 maid, chef, and chauffeur to serve his every want and need.

13. He’s incredibly good-looking, even without any make-up on.