Two years ago, after Owen was born, I wrote about the first three weeks of caring for a newborn. Now here I am, going through it once again.
But things are so different this time (mostly in a good way!).
The first time I was surprised by the boredom and loneliness. Newborns aren’t exactly bundles of excitement or engaging conversationalists. As a brand new mother, you are exhausted and your time is completely monopolized by your baby. There are intense moments of pure joy, but there are also lots and lots of hours of the same repetitive tasks – feeding your baby and trying to get your baby to sleep. After a while any sane person starts to crave more stimulating activity.
This time around, I clearly am no longer sane because I do NOT crave more stimulating activity. Living with a toddler, I find Carmendy’s lack of activity rather refreshing. I savor moments of boredom while I’m stuck feeding her. I try to block out the constant noise from Owen and focus on my newborn bump on a log, which thankfully cannot talk.
The first few weeks with Owen were stressful, mostly because of breastfeeding. I had no idea what I was doing and Owen wasn’t patient or understanding about my learning curve. When I first attended a breastfeeding support group, I confessed that breastfeeding wasn’t what I imagined it to be – instead of having a calm baby nuzzled in my chest, I had an angry, aggressive and ravenously hungry little beast chomping at my boobs. Within a couple minutes, he would suck out all of my milk and then be pissed that there wasn’t more for him to guzzle. The other mothers in the group nodded knowingly and told me I had a “barracuda”, an actual classification for a baby’s style of breastfeeding. A barracuda? No wonder I was afraid every time I sat down to feed him.
Carmendy is the opposite. She’s slow, taking her time with her meals. Occasionally, she stops eating just to look at me. Mostly I am grateful for this. However, there are times (many times) when I wish she would hurry the heck up and finish eating (stop staring and eat already!!).
My anxieties and fears during these past three weeks have been completely different from the fears I had with Owen during those first few weeks. My main fears with Owen were that:
1. He would stop breathing.
2. He wasn’t eating enough (even though he gained over a pound a week in the beginning…there is no such thing as rational thinking for new mothers).
My main fears with Carmendy are:
1. Owen will knock her out with his toy baseball bat.
2. I will go run errands and realize that I left her behind at the house.
Looking back on it, I was more neurotic than practical about my anxieties with Owen. I think every new mother is (right?). With Carmendy, I believe my fears are more realistic. After all, when I hear her whimper I sometimes think “What’s that noise?”…it doesn’t seem out of the realm of possibility that I might forget her while I run to Target. And really anyone in the same room as Owen while he’s playing is in danger of being smacked.
These first few weeks with Carmendy, knowing what I know now as a second-time parent, would have been a breeze without the presence of Owen. I wish I hadn’t made things harder than they had to be the first time, so that I could have enjoyed Owen’s newborn stage more.
Although having two little ones to care for can be overwhelming at times (especially when both are screaming at the same time in a public place), the best part of the past three weeks has been watching Owen with his little sister. He’s already a protective older brother. When he comforts her it melts my heart. It makes it easy to remember that being a second-time parent is a blessing not a burden.
Well said!